While at the temple this morning something hit me during the creation scenes when it says something along the lines of all living things were created to live to the fulness of their creation and have joy, and how sad it is that some of our gay brethren aren't living to that potential. I know I spent most of my teenage years crying out to God to either take away the gay or kill me in my sleep. I did not want to live being gay, I felt that I had failed my mortal probation and there was no point going on. In the end I fell away from the church believing God didn't give a crap about me, how could he? Surely a loving Father wouldn't ignore the cries of one of his children who desperately didn't want to be evil. So that must mean he didn't love me. I fell away for 20 years and I had a great time! Pompeii had nothing on the life I lived and it was great! But there was always that niggling in the back of my mind.
One day after watching another tragedy on the news I was lying in bed and I heard His voice say "It's time to come home""No" I said"It's time to come home now""No, I will not. You was not there for me then I will not be here for you now...fuck off!!""It's time to come home now! Time is running out!""NO! I will not...tell you what?! You want me back you do all the work. I'm doing NOTHING! You was nowhere when I need you back then, I did all the work...now it's up to you! You do it!!"
And I have no doubt that our Father looked across the Atlantic into a young 16 year old boy who was struggling with his own issues and said to himself "I have just the man for the job!" And 18months ago I ran into that young man, fresh out of the MTC, on the street, and invited him into my home, and in April it will be a year since I got my temple recommend back.
Today I do know my Father loves me! And I know that the reason he never answered my prayer back then is because I am EXACTLY as I am meant to be! There was NOTHING to take away, he made me this way for a reason. I am his creation and I should live to the fulness of that creation & be joyful. I will obey the Law of Chastity and not have sexual relations outside of marriage, but I am proud of who I am, who He made me to be, a gay mormon man! I will flirt, I will offend, I will be outrageous and I will be amazing! I will be the creation He made me to be I WILL have joy in that! For that is His intention for every one of His creations! I do not know why He made me like this, what my plan is, but I do know He made me this way for a reason and if the saviour stood before me now and offered to turn me straight he couldn't run fast enough to catch up with me. I would not change a single thing about me nor who I am. I stand clean before him, washed in His Son's blood, and I am perfect.
Thursday, 4 June 2015
My Personal Statement
I posted this in an online forum for gay mormons awhile back, I like it and I think it expresses me. I have shared it a few time since with a few people and it seems to speak to people so I thought I would share it here too. The group that I posted it in had had a group Fast and Temple day. We would all meet at our local temples in worship and fast for help for our gay brothers & sisters. This was originally posted January 2015